Almost got killed by a man with no penis today!

So people that know me know that I think the Hummer is the biggest "no penis" car out there. I even have a Facebook page dedicated to it! So OF COURSE this happens to me today...I was driving to the store to grab a pack of butts when I was almost killed by a tool in a green hummer. Completely ran a stop sign and almost T-boned me in my little car! There can't be many green hummers in this town so I'm sure sooner or later I will run into this penially challenged man again and THIS is what I would like to say about him and his hummer:

IF YOU:
Are not in the military;
Do not live in the desert, rainforest, a war zone or some trecherous mountain terrain;
Are not the leader of a huge drug cartel;
Do not use it to promote a business or a charity...

YOU SHOULD NOT DRIVE A HUMMER!

IF YOU:
Have never had luck with the ladies;
Wear too much gel in your hair;
Are overly-tanned;
Have a pot-belly;
Are bald;
Have a mustache;
Worshipped Don Johnson in Miami Vice;
Where gold chains tangled in a mass of chest hair;
Are 45 and still live with your parents;
And, oh yeah...HAVE NO DICK...

YOU PROBABLY DRIVE A HUMMER!

Either way, society has gotten to know these vehicles for their uncanny ability to point out that YOU HAVE NO PENIS!

It is up to people like me to try and promote awareness to all the clueless, dickless men out there who try and compensate for their lack of penis with these obnoxious, gas guzzling vehicles. You are not fooling anyone. We all know what you really have "under your hood". ;)

Just because you can't grow another inch to your dick, you can grow a set of balls and and scream proudly "YES! I have a small dick and I'm proud!!!"